Stupid

I am only human.

It would be really easy for me to only post good things about my ADD, and not mention the bad. But that isn’t fair to you the reader, and it is not fair to me, as this is supposed to be an account of my life with ADD. And you know what, sometimes it sucks. Sometimes, I do stupid shit.

Like, for example, Monday night

I have a prescription for Adderall. I don’t use it very often, because really, I cannot control what it makes me focus on, but it tends to be cleaning, organizing, or other useful things that provide no scholarly benefit. But I had a project, a paper, and a quiz to study for. So I took it. Because Hope Springs Eternal.

At 11:30pm, I made this list:

Here was my To Do List

-reread Hamlet
-finish math game
-write up prospectus for thesis

Here is what I got done
-cleaned out underneath bed
-folded and put away all clothes in dresser
-hung up and organized all clothes in closet
-dry and wet swiffered the floor, including cleaning underneath my desk, which has not happened since September. It took 3 dry cloths and 2 wet ones
-Moved around roly-set-of-desk-drawers from under desk to under bed to give me more room
-Cleaned and organized desk
-Cleaned and organized shelves above desk
-Cleaned and organized pull-out keyboard drawer into something ueseful
-printed out reading assignment for Children’s Lit tomorrow
-Threw clothes into backpack to prep for going to Inae’s tomorrow.
-Got some emailing done that needed to get done.

Noticed that none of the three things on the To Do List are on the Done List.

At midnight, I took another adderall, sat down at my desk, and got shit done. The paper and the project got done and done well, and I said fuckit on studying Hamlet. This turned out to be okay, since he canceled the quiz anyway.

I finished up at 6:30 AM, and took a 45 minute nap before heading off to my classes.

Fucking Stupid. I should know better. Now, there is no guarantee that  I would have gotten  the work done any faster had I not taken the adderall, since knowing me I would have sat on the computer and done useless things instead.  But  when I am already stressed out in general, not sleeping is the best way to get sick, asthmatic, and more stressed.