ADD and Feelings of Inferiority

I had a horrific interaction with my internship supervisor on Thursday. Like seriously horrific. Because this is a public blog and internet sleuthing could probably result in my identity, I won’t post specifics. Suffice it to say it was truly traumatizing, and mostly not my fault. The person in question acted unprofessionally and inappropriately. This person even said at the beginning that my lessons went well, and that I have a great rapport with my students.

Even though I already have a meeting scheduled with the head of the program to mediate, I still am fighting some pretty significant depression over it.

It got me thinking. I take negative comments pretty hard, and I dwell on them. I’ve read that focusing on bad stuff is an ADD trait, but I sometimes struggle in how much of my feelings of inferiority and failure are my ADD and how much of these feelings are just my personality.

And, of course, since I am depressed and feeling sorry for myself, I descend into this spiral. What if it’s not really the ADD at all? What if I just suck at life? What if I am taking the easy way out by blaming all these things on a cognitive disorder?

Do y’all ever feel this way? What do you do?

The first step is the hardest

I’ve been back from 2 weeks of no internet, no air conditioning, and no crazy city life for 3 days now, and I’ve only put a dent in my to do list in the last 15 minutes. I’d like to point out that a good portion of this to do list needed to be done in July.






I find things hardest to do when they are already over their due date. It’s like, well, I already fucked it up, why even bother? Of course, lots of things are still perfectly fine if they are done late, but it is very hard to get out of that high expectation rut. It is one of the reasons that I hate To Do Lists. They end up staring at me, pointing out the things I failed to accomplish.Then I fail to accomplish more, and it is one big spiral down to that happy-fun-ADD-depression.






The only thing that sucks more than fear of failure is actual failure. It is really hard to face it and say, yeah, I fucked up, so now I should do the best I can to fix it. It’s way easier to ignore it and hope it goes away. Sitting here typing, I can be like, hey Nic, that is a stupid plan, but I keep doing it, in school, in life, and romantically. It really sucks watching yourself make the same damned mistakes, over and over.






So that’s it. First step done. I sent those overdue emails. Now, to do the cleaning that I planned to do sunday, and then I will finish dealing with my fucking school loans tonight.

Excitement of the Day

I organized both my school and personal inboxes! Go me. Now I will actually be able to find messages that I am looking for. Gmail is my savior.

Today is the last day before the summer semester ends. I am totally overwhelmed, I feel like I didn’t get enough time to hit my stride, and now it is over. I have a huge long To Do list of things to do today, but I am already at the library hacking away on it. I made the right decision that staying at the house would result in watching BSG and sewing, neither of which will help me passes my classes

I was afraid that I would be too distracted by warm weather to concentrate on summer classes, but apparently the weather has been convinced that June is actually March, so that has not been a problem